My husband was finally moved to the CCU (Coronary Care Unit) of Brookhaven Hospital around 2:30 in the afternoon. I had run home to get my phone charger, and they moved him while I was gone. I didn't find him until 3:00pm, as I went to the ER first. Then I was told that he was "in two," so I went to the second floor and wandered around. A nurse finally found me and helped me find him.
He was in the last room of the CCU. I walked in and he was lying on a bed. He was talking to me, asking me about my casting company, work, and other mundane things. He was sweating profusely and breathing rapidly, but he was a lot calmer than when he was in the ER. I plugged my phone into the wall and set up to be with him for a while. I expected a doctor or two to come in and tell us what was going on. At this point, remember, we were under the impression that he had cancer and masses on his liver.
No sooner did I sit down than did a nurse walk in. "You have a phone call, Mrs. Cain," she said. I was puzzled. I looked at my husband and he shrugged.
"I do?"
"Yes," she replied. "You can take it at the nurse's station." I walked out of the room, and didn't notice that two nurses walked into my husband's room. I found out they were in there later.
I sat down at the nurse's station. Another nurse was to my left and handed me the phone. "Hello?"
"Hi, Mrs. Cain," a familiar voice said. "It's Dr. Bohenski." Dr. Bohenski is my son's pulmonologist. I knew I recognized the voice, but didn't understand why he was calling me.
"Hi Dr. Bohenski," I replied. "How are you?"
"I'm fine," he answered. "I'm not going to ask how you are, since I already know the answer to that. I'm going to make this brief, because time is of the essence. We do not expect your husband to make it through the night. We fully expect him to stop breathing, and we need to put him on a respirator."
Bells started ringing in my ears. I felt instantly dizzy and nauseous. I started shaking. What? My husband was going to die? I was just talking to him! How was that even possible?
"Wh-what?" I stuttered.
"Your husband isn't going to make it through the night. We fully expect him to stop breathing. He is in septic shock and his organs are starting to shut down. We need to put him on a respirator now in order to save his life." Dr. Bohenski was very matter of fact.
"This is the only way?" My voice was weak. I wanted to vomit.
"This is the only way," he replied. "He will be in an induced coma. He will be asleep so that we can fix what is wrong. He is in very critical condition right now."
A million thoughts ran through my mind, most of which were of our six year old twins. How was this possible? I was just talking to him! He was asking me about my clients, for crying out loud! How could this happen? He was going to die?
"Okay," I replied. "Do what you need to do. Please take care of him."
"I will take care of him like he is my own son," he promised. Shell-shocked, I put the phone back in the cradle and staggered in to his room. He was lying on his back with an oxygen mask on. The two nurses were standing to his right. I unplugged my phone from the wall and stuck it in my purse. I dropped my purse in the chair to his right and looked at him.
I've never seen my husband look so frightened.
"Did they tell you?" I asked, trying to control my voice. He nodded. "Okay." I pulled the oxygen mask away from his face and kissed him.
I didn't know if it was going to be the last time I was able to kiss my husband. I can't even begin to tell you what that feels like.
"I love you very much," I said, starting to cry. "Goodbye."
"I'll see you in a couple of days," he answered. I kissed him again, then replaced the oxygen mask.
"I love you." The tears started to roll down my cheeks. Sobs hitched in my throat. I pulled my phone out of my purse and started texting the last person that texted me:
I NEED YOU HERE
GET HERE
PLEASE
I NEED SOMEONE HERE
PLEASE COME
PLEASE
I didn't even know who it was. I went into the waiting room and collapsed in hysterics by myself. Alone. Thinking my husband was going to die.
It is the worst feeling that I have ever felt in my life. I can only explain it by saying it was like being at the bottom of a cavern, in the dark, alone with no lights. My sobs echoed in my head.
At some point, a doctor came in for me to sign the consent form. I don't remember much about that.
I just sat and cried. I have never felt so utterly helpless.
I soon felt an arm around me. I looked up and it was my friend, Kristin. I didn't even tell her what was going on-- I just leaned on her and cried. I couldn't even explain what was going on. I couldn't form words.
What simply amazes me is that Kristin and I were never close before. Our kids go to the same school, but we've never had a play date or anything like that. We've worked together on projects at school, her kids are a part of my casting company, our daughters are in the Daisy troop that I lead...But we've never hung out.
She just happened to be the person that sent me that last text.
And she came.
I don't know how many people would do that, unless they were close with the person asking them to come to the hospital. I honestly don't even remember what we had been texting about beforehand. I know that I would have shown up, regardless of who texted me. But I don't think that anyone else would have-- Especially someone with two small children.
Kristin is my hero.
I wasn't close with her before, but now I can't imagine my life without her or her family. I can't even begin to express to you what a rock she was for me, especially that day. Once my husband was on the respirator and in the coma, she somehow managed to get me to the diner across the street to get something to eat. I vaguely remember sitting across from her and eating something Greek (although I do remember her specifically getting a French Dip), but that's about it. I don't remember how long she stayed with me, but I know it was well into the night.
Back in 2000, I had to tell my sister that our Aunt was killed in a car crash. I remember thinking that was the hardest thing I ever had to do; the worst moment of my life. July 16, 2014 beats that day without a second thought. If it weren't for Kristin, I would have had to face it alone.
Kristin, you are my hero. I love you and appreciate you more than you will ever, ever know.
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